In Defense of Mel Karnofsky

My favorite sitcom Frasier introduces the character Mel Karnofsky in season 7, and she's a reoccuring character until she leaves the show in season 8. Mel is a plastic surgeon who has done work on Niles' ex-wife Maris, and they meet when he goes to confront her about receiving the bills. That is one hell of a meet-cute. Niles finds the courage to ask her out, and they begin seeing each other.

Now, for those of you who have seen Frasier, you know that Niles had a longstanding crush on his dad's physical therapist, Daphne. He pined for her during his first marriage, he pined for her during his divorce, he pined for her when he was single, and he does, in the end, wind up with Daphne. It is a LONG 8 seasons of will-they-won't-they, with some great ooey gooey soft romantic moments between them thrown in every now and again. The show makes you want it. So I completely understand why fans of the show might be predispositioned to hate Mel. I get it! The show wants you to hate Mel! You're supposed to root for Niles and Daphne.

BUT. But. I like Mel. I really enjoyed her character, and Jane Adams did an excellent job of portraying her. And I find the hatred of Mel to be over-the-top and very, very hypocritical. So I'm going to play devil's advocate here and come to Mel's defense, because someone on this beautiful Earth has to be rational about this character. First I'll focus on their actual relationship, and then I'll speak a bit about her portrayal afterward.

I thought that Mel and Niles worked quite well together. Niles is a character who seems very sure of himself on the surface, but it's clear that he lacks self confidence. He second-guesses major decisions in his life- his marriage, his career, his interactions with others. His relationship with his brother is defined by feelings of jealousy and inferiority, and he constantly jabs at Frasier as a result. I know his psychosomatic symptoms are played for laughs- the nosebleeds when he lies, the narcolepsy when he's stressed out, even his allergies and germaphobia, all speak to massive anxiety and a need for control. Compare this with Mel, who comes off as cool, collected, and calculating. I feel like this contrast is very interesting and brings a fun dynamic to their relationship.

One of the most contentious Mel episodes is season 7 episode 17, Whine Club. In this episode, Frasier is running for Corkmaster in he and Niles' snooty wine club, and Mel convinces Niles that he should throw his hat in the ring as well. He runs against his brother, causing a rift between the brothers, and ends up winning. Haters will say that Mel was manipulative and cnspiratorial, but I think there's something genuine here.

Niles: He knows perfectly well how much I've coveted this post. I distinctly confided my aspirations to him the night Jud Riverton fell off the ferry after the spring tasting!
Mel: Well, I'm sure he just forgot.
Niles: No, no, don't defend him. [...] He's always putting himself first and I always let him.
Mel: Why, Niles?
Niles: Oh, I don't know, I think perhaps it's because...
Mel: I'll tell you why: because you can't see yourself for what you really are! [holds him up into the mirror] You are a powerful, sexy, dynamic, colossus of a man. In other words, perfect corkmaster.

While Mel is similar to Maris in a lot of ways, I feel as though she empowers Niles in this episode rather than belittling him as Maris typically does. This comes up again later, in season 7 episode 20, when Mel is talking to Daphne about how much she loves Niles. She says that she can't believe Maris would let him go, and that she sees so much potential in him but that he just has to learn to be confident in himself. She says that she wants to be his support system and help him achieve great things. "The more I know him, the more I know that's all I want to be." How can you hear lines like that and think she doesn't care about him? This is a relationship where Niles is actually valued, and one where he can rebuild his confidence after being humiliated for years by Maris. Back to episode 17, Mel is encouraging Niles to pursue something he has wanted for a while. Yes, she's picking a fight with Frasier, but let's not forget that Niles picks a fight with Frasier on his own accord in pretty much every other episode. Should Niles forgo running just because Frasier began campaigning first? Even though Niles had expressed interest in being the Corkmaster? Niles didn't do anything hateful at the wine club. He still nominated Frasier, all he asked was that Frasier nominate him in return. He happily voted for his brother, whereas Frasier had to be nudged into voting for him. When they tied, they had a wine tasting competition to decide the winner, which Niles won fair and square. He didn't do anything underhanded or deceitful, whereas Frasier was pissy the the entire time.

I think that part of the reason people think of Mel as so manipulative is because Frasier himself sets that up in this episode. Before any of the Wine Club drama happens, Frasier tells Roz that he thinks Mel is manipulative. But even he admits just a couple lines later that he hasn't met her, doesn't know much about her, and hasn't given her much of a chance. Showing this interaction directly before Mel encourages Niles to run for Corkmaster sets the audience up to dislike her. Imagine if it were another character- say, imagine Martin had encouraged Niles to run for Corkmaster, and the show emphasized a fair competition rather than framing it as some ugly betrayal- No one would go around calling Martin manipulative and controlling!

The second half of this episode is as controversial as the first. Niles and Maris come over for dinner so she can get to know everybody. It's clear that the main cast already dislike Mel- they go into this dinner already drinking and shit talking before Mel even arrives. When Mel gets there, she requests that the dog be put on the balcony while she's over- Which gets a LOT of flack from the fandom, but I don't think it's that big of a deal. She's allergic to Eddie, and ultimately it's on Frasier and Martin for putting him on the balcony when he could have easily gone into one of the bedrooms. Like, why are we acting like Mel picked Eddie up by the leg and dangled him over the railing? She talks about her job as a plastic surgeon, which makes everybody uncomfortable. Which, sure, she was a little tactless, but I don't think that's cause to hate her. She didn't say anything rude to anybody, people just heard her talking about her work and came to their own conclusions about their bodies. Niles credits Mel for inspiring him to run for Corkmaster, which pisses Frasier off. Is that a good metric for hating Mel? Since when has Frasier ever been reasonable?

As soon as Mel leaves it comes out that absolutely everyone hates her. Pushy, mean, demanding, controlling, emasculating- When? Where? I can see pushy. Mel is pretty direct about what she wants. But emasculating? In what way? The episode ends without really resolving this conflict- Niles leaves, upset that everyone said such awful things about his girlfriend and nothing nice. He doesn't answer the phone, so Frasier can't apologize. It sets up a recurring theme throughout the season- no one likes Mel but Niles. But, she's Niles' partner. Does anyone else have to like her?

There are some other sour moments dotted throughout the series. Mel has a jealousy arc when Niles secretly met with Maris to console her after the loss of a friend, and she and Niles briefly break up over it. I think that viewers tend to side with Niles on a lot of these conflicts because he's one of the pricipal characters of the show, and a beloved one at that, but let's be honest- He probably shouldn't have met up with his ex-wife, and if he truly felt that he needed to, he at the very least shouldn't have tried to hide it and lie about it. One of Niles' major faults is that he's afraid of confrontation to the point of being very sneaky and dishonest. I think it's completely reasonable to for Mel to be upset that Niles was meeting up with his ex behind her back. Mel isn't very nice to Daphne, and often treats her like a servant. I do think this is incredibly rude- and I also think it's something the entire cast is guilt of. Why is the physical therapist cooking for them, cleaning up after them, answering the phone and the door for them? Daphne asserts several times throughout the series that she isn't their maid. Why is treating Daphne poorly excusable for everyone but Mel?

In general, I think a lot of the qualities that people hate Mel for are the same things that make Niles so funny. She's snooty, uptight, manipulative, image-conscious, clever, ambitious. Why are these traits funny and likeable in Niles but detestable in Mel? The show has a problem in general with its focus on "cold women." Maris, Lilith, Mel, any number of one-off love interests. Ignoring how some of these characters are written to be disliked, it's an alarming trend. The "good" women in the show, like Daphne and Sherry, are warm, nurturing, and forgiving. The "bad" women have boundaries and high standards, and don't emotionally coddle the male main characters. They prioritize their careers and their goals. They're intelligent, successful, and articulate. The show frames these traits as emasculating and unattractive. Why does the show feel the need to continually bash these traits in women while applauding the same traits in men?

Not only does the show employ this double standard, but it uses these womens' personalities as justifications for the men's selfish poor behavior. It's okay for Niles to cheat on his wife, because Maris is ugly and demanding and unbearable. It's okay for Niles to cheat on his second wife, because Mel is manipulative and controlling. I think it's a shame to paint some of these characters in such a one-dimensional light. The show is essentially doing a disservice to itself. I've already spoken about Mel's genuine love and affection for Niles. Lilith is another character who I think is wonderfully layered and nuanced (and sexy) (she's so hot) (god. she's so hot), but half of her appearances are reduced to "Oh no, Lilith is back, we fucking hate Lilith because she's an ice cold bitch" jokes. It doesn't reflect her actual characterization. Lilith doesn't come off as cold to me, but as very intelligent and slightly socially awkward. There are several moments in the show where she's incredibly vulnerable. She cares very much for her son, as opposed to Frasier who is barely involved in Freddy's life. I love her dry humor and her little half-smiles. I don't like how the other characters pretty much tell her to her face that they loathe her. Now, disclaimer- I'm still working through Cheers, and I know Lilith had a lot different characterization there. But I still wouldn't go so far as to act like she's the devil.

Lilith tangeant aside, I'm just trying to point out this pattern in Frasier. Lilith and Mel are so similar to Frasier and Niles, and the show absolutely dogs on them for it. Don't get me wrong, Frasier and Niles aren't always portrayed in the best light, either, but I think it's ridiculous the way the female characters are treated in this show.

Let's talk about Niles and Mel's marriage. It was very sudden- the couple eloped a few days before Daphne and Donnie's wedding. Niles starts the episode nervous that Mel is going to ask about moving in together again, and by the end of the episode, they're married. Now, haters love to point to this as another example of Mel maniplating Niles. But let's take this into consideration: Daphne, the woman Niles has been pining over for years, the woman who Niles is still clearly in love with, is about to get married in a few days and be unavailable forever. He's expressed that he needs to force himself to get over her. The ship has sailed, he missed his 4,000 chances, and he's with Mel now. And he likes Mel! Wouldn't it make sense for this character to rush into a marriage with Mel in an attempt to cope with the fact that he won't ever be with Daphne? He says in the episode that something feels off about his relationship with Mel. Why do we assume that there's something wrong with Mel, when he still has massive unresolved secret feelings for Daphne! That's huge! Of course something is going to feel off!

So, Niles and Mel get married and agree to keep it a secret for now so as not to steal the spotlight from Daphne and Donnie. Of course, that secret doesn't last long. This is a sitcom, after all. At this point of the show, Daphne has been made aware of Niles' crush on her and is secretly falling for him, now, too. This comes to a head in the season 7 finale, in which Daphne and Niles run away together, leaving Donnie at the alter. Jesus. Christ.

I think the writers were going for a true-love-always-wins thing here, but it's sour. It's really sour, and really hard to swallow. The way that these two finally get together feels very hurtful and cowardly, and I don't think it's a fitting conclusion to 7 seasons worth of baiting. It's cruel for Daphne to leave Donnie at the altar, and it's cruel for Niles to ditch Mel on their honeymoon to go run off with another woman who he secretly loved all along. Mel's character takes a turn after this episode, and she becomes very bitter, petty, and spiteful. Fans love to hate her for acting petty and "torturing" Niles and Daphne. Uhm, no offense, but I would be spiteful too! To find out that your new husband was in love with somebody else throughout your entire relationship, and for him to humiliate you by running away with a bride-to-be on her wedding day, is absolutely horrible. I actually saw someone on reddit say that Mel should have "processed her feelings in a day or two and calmed down." Bro if that happened to me I would be bitching about it for the rest of my entire life! What Niles and Daphne did was HORRIBLE!

After being ditched, Mel makes an agreement with Niles- she will grant him a quick and painless divorce, if he will pretend to be happily married to her for the sake of public appearances. In other words, she doesn't want to be completely and totally embarrassed to all her friends and family. Wanting to avoid another drawn out and messy divorce, Niles agrees to keep his relationship with Daphne a secret and help Mel save face. Of course it isn't long until Niles and Daphne find this arrangement intolerable- Mel really is very petty, and she acts in ways that are cruel to the couple. But, let's not forget how cruel they were to her first. It culminates in Season 8 Episode 5, Taking Liberties, where Mel shows up uninvited to Frasier's dinner party and Niles publicly humiliates her. Again.

Niles: That's it, Mel, I'm sick of these games!
Mel: Niles, don't make a scene.
Niles: I don't care! I love Daphne, and I'm not putting her through this torture another second! This sham of a marriage is OVER!