12-01-23: The Woes of Unemployment
DISCLAIMER: The first section of this blog entry is a little bit heavy. If you'd rather not read all that, feel free to skip down to the second subheader to get to the lighter portions!
DISCLAIMER: The first section of this blog entry is a little bit heavy. If you'd rather not read all that, feel free to skip down to the second subheader to get to the lighter portions!
Originally the goal with this blog was not to use it as a space to vent- After all, ideally there will be people reading it. Not sure how that's going. Either way, it feels a bit disingenuous to try and scrape up all the scraps of good news for a blog entry when life has been so shitty lately. And I'd rather be candid than not say anything at all, I suppose.
I was laid off from my job back in October, and now breaching December while still unemployed feels... bad! It feels bad. I'm rethinking my life choices. Rethinking moving to Austin, rethinking getting this film degree- none of it has been remotely helpful. It feels like I was making decisions for my ideal life, not a realistic one. I don't know. I thought I could at least enjoy the free time after losing my job- I have a lot of art to do, and two websites to upkeep now- but all of my hobbies have suffered. I hardly draw. I haven't updated either website since I got laid off. All I do is lay in bed or watch TV. I know it's depression, it's always been depression- my therapist, when I had one a few years ago, said she strongly suspected I've been depressed since I was 13. And yet, when my mom suggested counseling or getting back on medication, it just made me so angry with her. I don't want to do that stuff. I want to be functional on my own. I was doing so well before all this happened!
What's worse is that it's all given me way too much time to think, and with that comes all the gunk that just doesn't deserve any more thought. Doubting my friendships, ruminating on dead family members, looking around at my increasingly messy room and feeling a general sense of self-disgust, which of course just makes everything worse. I dunno. It's all a bit too much. But I still think if I can just get another job and get back into a routine, I can fix it myself. I've had a few interviews but they haven't led anywhere. I've gotten on a few art projects, despite not wanting to monetize my hobbies too much- they won't pay the bills, but they definitely help. Namely, I'm redoing a website for a nonprofit organization and I'm doing some promotional artwork for Treaty Oak Revival, my cousin's band. Maybe focusing on those will give me more of a sense of purpose and help get my life back in order. Who knows!
I didn't even change that header, it's the same as my last entry. Candidness aside, this website has to be more to me than just a place to complain. I don't want it to get all gunked up and stop being a bright spot in my life!
I just got back from visiting my parents for Thanksgiving, which was nice. I stayed a few more days than originally planned, but it was really great being around people and knowing that if I try and sleep all day my mom is gonna come yell at me. Hahaha. That guest room was so nice that upon coming back home I was dreading my messy room, which sucks but did launch me into some tidying. It's marginally better, and hopefully I can keep that motivation up to keep chipping away at it!
I've taken care of most of my Christmas shopping while I still have a bit of money saved up- I got presents sent to my friends for our long-distance gift exchange, and all that's left is my family. My mom was very clear that she doesn't want me to spend money on buying her and my dad presents until I get a job, but that isn't very Christmas-y of her, so I think I'm gonna do it anyways. Unless I have like $100 after paying rent here in a bit. Then I probably... Won't do that, I guess! But I can still draw or paint them something. That might be nice!
Once again plugging my new website, because I'm really proud of it and I'm heading over there to update the album of the month right after I finish this blog entry! Please consider taking a look at Wax & Wane Record Shop, my new site focused around music and vintage vinyl. There you can find a catalogue of my personal collection, pages for community music recommendations, an Album of the Month feature, and more! This is originally something I planned to host on this site, but after seeing the creativity and community happening over at Marigold Town, I am proud to have been one of the early adopters of the platform- it's allowed me to expand and flesh out my initial idea into a full mock-business website. Definitely give that whole project a look, and consider signing up!
You might recall my last couple of entries mentioned the Ghoul Gathering Collab, the annual Halloween artist collab I've been running since like 2016! I'm proud to say that 2023 is in the bag. This is a bit of a late update, but I wanted to show it off anyways because I'm so happy with how it turned out!
I also mentioned the Muppet pride zine I was a contributor towards. It's now complete, and preorders are open for The Lovers, The Dreamers, & You! digital copies. Unfortunately there won't be any physical copies of the zine, however there are some bundles that include stickers and some other physical merch if you're looking to make your life a little more Muppet-y. All proceeds from the zine and merch sales are going towards the LGBT Fund of Mississipi (Jim Henson's home state!) and Equality Florida.
Here's a little preview of my piece for the zine. Maybe it will entice you...? I chose to draw the main characters from the MuppeTelevision portions of the Jim Henson Hour! Digit is one of my favorite muppets and in general I think the 80s muppets can always use a little more love. Consider purchasing a digital copy of the zine if you'd like to see the full piece!
That's all I've got for this update. I'd like to take a second to thank everyone for 10K visits to this website. It truly means the world to me! If I don't make another entry before the end of the month, Happy Holidays and have a great New Year!